|
|
|
|
|
|
Dedicated to All who mourn the loss of a child.
|
|
“GARDEN OF INNOCENCE” BY Rev. Thomas L. Vandenberg Pastor |
|
A Special Place... A garden is a special place. While we usually think of a garden as a place to grow onions, lettuce and cucumbers, this is not what we have in mind here. This garden holds a meaning that is much richer. A garden is seen in anthropology and fairy tales as an archetypical place. As Father Ron Rolheiser, O.M.I. describes it; “It is a place of love, the place where the prince and the princess meet to kiss in the moonlight, the place of our dreams, the paradise that Adam and Eve lost for us.” But the image of the garden as a place of love does not mean that it is necessarily a place of happiness and peace. For it was in a garden, a place of love, that Jesus experienced his agony and sweat blood.
It is interesting that the scriptures do not emphasize the physical sufferings of Jesus, as terrible as they were. Rather, we see a suffering in the Garden of Gethsemane that comes because Jesus’ great love is denied, ignored, even mocked, not only by the religious leaders or the crowds who had been held spellbound by his teaching and wonderworking, but even by his own disciples who shared an intimate relationship with him. It is not by accident that it was in a garden that Jesus suffered. For, as Father Rolheiser says, “he suffered not as a great teacher, a great king or a great shepherd, or even as a great conqueror of evil. No, he suffered as a great lover.”
Above all, then, this Garden of Innocence is a place of love. And it is also a place of innocence. “Innocence” is an interesting word, which literally means “without wound.” The innocent children we remember here never did anything to deserve whatever it was that ended their lives. Their hearts were always in a state of innocence, open to receive the love that was offered to them. But this word need not be applied only to the lost child. It can also be used appropriately to describe parents who are in no way responsible for the loss of their child. Even though parents who lose children often feel guilty, they need to know they are not. For instance, in an attempt to understand what has happened, they may think that God is somehow punishing them for things they did years ago, totally unrelated to their child. But that isn’t what Love does! Such parents need to be reminded that they have a true innocence about them, even if they find it hard to believe.
This is a special place to remember those little ones of our parish family and beyond who brought so much joy to our lives and then, with their passing, so much sorrow. This place speaks to the dignity that is inherent even in the smallest among us, which includes those not yet born into our world. If the psalmist could say, “Truly you formed my inmost being; you knit me in my mother’s womb,” (Psalm 139:13) then we can say in all truth that even the unborn are “wonderfully made” in God’s image. To go through a miscarriage is more than a biological process; it is the loss of a child, and the feelings of loss are as natural as the joy that came with the news of its conception.
But in some cases, a pregnancy is not always received with joy. Consequently, decisions are sometimes made, often out of confusion and fear, to terminate a pregnancy. Rather than bringing an end to a difficult situation, the abortion itself often brings an intense and lingering hurt. The concept ion of new life is, of its very nature, such a profound human experience, so closely joined to the human act of love, that the sense of human loss, with its sadness and sorrow, comes nonetheless. In addition, love that is owed to the new life is not given. The one who refuses to love is now the one who rejects, ignores or abandons it by not giving it. This wound, which is often both psychological and spiritual, always hurts, and often isolates and sometimes depresses. What may have seemed like a good idea at the time of anxiety and fear becomes a nagging source of pain and sorrow for the mother. |
Return toTop | |
For everyone…This Garden of Innocence is for all mothers, fathers and all who mourn the loss of a child, whether from a miscarriage, still-birth, abortion, S.I.D.S. or some tragic accident or terrible illness after birth. Its purpose is neither to deepen one’s sense of loss nor to foster more guilt in anyone, but to reassure all those who grieve that there is still reason to hope for their child. Rather than ignore the painful loss they feel, which comes from their love for their child, we want to encourage them to push that love to its ultimate source, to the One whose very identity is Love itself. Ironically, pain that comes from such injured love finds it’s healing by turning to that Love we call God.
While it is love for a child who dies that drives parents to their knees in sadness, it is Love and Love alone that is capable of picking them up and giving them peace. Trying to forget, ignore, blame, rationalize or deny what has happened will never heal the human heart. Nor will self-pity or self-loathing bring healing or relief to this kind of suffering. It is by surrendering to Divine Love, who never really abandoned us - though we may have felt abandoned; or we may have abandoned God ourselves. - that we will find the power that frees us so we can dare to dream once again for our children.
Where love is God is… Know that you are not alone in your sorrow and grief. Regardless of how you may feel, God has not abandoned you. Since God is Love itself, God knows your feelings. While the death of a child brings sadness to us, we cannot help but believe that it also brings sadness to God. In fact, the loss that a parent feels at such times may simply be a tasting of the sorrow that fills the heart of God. We can dare to say this because we can also dare to say that in the Garden of Gethsemane the divine person Jesus suffered, and therefore, God suffered. And since we share in the Divine Life (Grace) our suffering may somehow be a sharing in the divine suffering of God. After all, when we say that we are made in the image of God, God is not just a template for the human. God shares something of the divine nature with us as humans. Think of Grace as God’s Life of Love existing outside of God. We are not alone. God is with us. For where love is, God is. Therefore, when you bring loving memories to this Garden of Innocence God is here with you as well.
Let the children…While you may have felt totally helpless and powerless to do anything to save your child - or if you still regret a choice you made a long time ago - as Christians we do not believe God was helpless or powerless to do anything. It is clear from Catholic teaching that God desires for all to be saved, and this would include the unbaptized. If God could say to Jeremiah the prophet, “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born, I dedicated you,” (Jer. 1:5) then we know God’s love embraces us, not because of any merit on our part, but because of God’s goodness. Little children were clearly special to Jesus as he said, “Let the Children come to me, do not hinder them.” (Mark 10:14)
This does not mean that God loved your children more than you did, and therefore took them from you. Such thinking violates everything we know about the God revealed to us in Jesus Christ. God does not take our children from us, but God does receive them from us when they die. That’s why it is healthy for us to offer them back to God trusting in the infinite mercy of our God. Remember, no one earns God’s salvation. It is God’s gift to hearts open to receive it. And, even though unbaptized infants and the unborn would not be capable of an act of faith, no Catholic theologian today would say that God ignores them. In fact, they would trust that God accepts them into his loving arms, a view that is totally in keeping with our understanding of God’s mercy. Remember also, God’s mercy is so much greater than ours. After all, our love for our children is only a shadow of God’s love for them.
The angels came…There is one more detail about the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane we need to remember. It was when Jesus felt totally spent, having done everything he could but still felt abandoned and alone, that “an angel from heaven came and ministered to him.” It is like God sent Jesus angels to strengthen him precisely when God found him lying prostrate, sweating blood in his agony. We trust that God will send us his angels as well. As Father Ron Rolheiser says, “Right after being strengthened by an angel, Jesus gets up off the ground and walks with courage to face the ordeal that awaits him.” Those who lose a child often wonder how they will carry on, how they can continue to be a mother to their other children, a husband to their wife. They feel lost, totally alone. Rolheiser quotes a woman, who had been there herself, who wrote, “Lost is a place, too!” Biblically, it is a very important place. It is the place where angels come and minister to us and it’s a place that readies us for spiritual battle. We hope that those who come to this place, this simple Garden of Innocence and find themselves still lost, will know that the angels are here for them. Again, they are not alone. There is reason for hope. |
Return toTop |
|
The Resting Child... The stature of the child resting in the hand of God is the work of the Chinese artist Lee Dongfei. The child can be seen as either a boy or a girl, who has found comfort and peace. The child is innocent, meaning that it never did anything we would ever consider to be immoral or wrong. Like all of humanity, however, the child is under the shadow of the terrible fall of Adam and Eve that shattered the peace of the Garden of Eden. Though the child died through no fault of its own, its death is a reminder of the shadow cast over all of humankind by original sin. While we may never know why children die, we do know that God’s mercy still embraces them, that God still says, “Let the children come to me.”
The hand is the hand of God. As the child may be seen as either male or female, the hand is both strong and soft, representing both the fatherhood and motherhood of God. There is no evidence of fear on the face of the child. It is resting, for in the hand of God there is unparalleled serenity. The child is okay. The child lives. So does yours!
Over the Rainbow... Let us turn to a more secular image, the song from the Wizard of Oz, “Over the Rainbow.” It seems that most people, believers and unbelievers alike, have a natural sense of hope about them. When times are difficult, we seem to be “programmed” to believe there is something more to life than we can see with our eyes. Something about us calls out for the continuance of life in some way even after death. Not knowing exactly what it is like, we instinctively think of it as a state of being or a place filled with joy and peace. Maybe that is why this song touched such a cord in the human heart when it came out in 1939 during the Great Depression. People needed hope. “Over the Rainbow” gave hope to their natural longings.
Somewhere, over the rainbow way up high, There‘s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby. Somewhere over the rainbow skies are blue, And the dreams that you dare to dream Really do come true.
Someday I’ll wish upon a star, And wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops Away above the chimney tops That’s where you‘ll find me.
When the news comes that a baby is on its way, it is the most natural thing in the world to begin to dream for that child. What prospective new parent does not dream about what their longed for child will become? Consequently, among the many pains that parents feel when their child dies is the pain of realizing that they will never see those dreams come true. And when dreams of simple things like a child’s first step, his graduation from high school or her wedding day have to be abandoned, the sense of loss is compounded. Their grief is intensified accordingly. Their dreams have made them all the more vulnerable to the pain of loss. We would hope that this place of love will encourage you to dare to dream again.
Of course, as followers of Jesus, we do not have to wish upon a star. We turn to the wonder of God’s love. We know the story of the empty tomb, and how Jesus overcame darkness with light, evil with good and, yes, even death with life. Among other things, the empty tomb frees us to dare to dream again for our children. Let me share a true story.
A True Story... Several years ago in this parish, a young girl about six was riding her bicycle in front of her house. She accidentally hit the curb and fell striking her head on the pavement. Her parents rushed her to the Mary Bridge Hospital in Tacoma. She was unconscious and so remained for about three days; then she suddenly awakened to the relief and joy of everyone. But when she told them what had happened while she was in the coma, everyone was taken by surprise.
She told her parents that she had met a young boy in her “dream.” He was about 13 years old and his name was Jason. He visited with her and comforted her. As the parents listened, they looked at each other in total astonishment. They had had an older son who had died as a little child whom they hadn’t told their daughter about. He would have been 13 years old and his name was Jason!
I know the story was true because I visited the little girl myself when she was in the hospital and she told me the same story. I didn’t know what to make of it then and I don’t know what to make of it today. Did she meet her older brother? Was he alive and well? Or was it just a happy set of coincidental details that had no basis in fact? I take the details of the story at face value. But I have learned that there are lots of things that happen to people that I can’t explain. You can draw your own conclusions, but I find nothing in the story that violates the gospel of Jesus or the teachings of the Catholic Church. (I do not recall the exact name of the boy or age of the girl.)
Dare to dream... Is it really possible to believe that “the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true?” Is it possible for us to believe that someone who has lost a child could really take the words “wake up where the clouds are far behind me” and make them their own? Well, this Garden of Innocence is dedicated to this possibility.
However, there is one group of people who carry an extra burden and may question that such things are possible for them; others maybe, but no for them. They are the ones who, for whatever reason, chose to abort their child. The one thing a woman cannot do if she finds herself considering an abortion is to dare to dream for her child. She can only allow herself to think in the present moment, and not about the future, for the future is what so frightens her should her child be born. So, from the beginning, she knows the unborn life she carries will have no future. This belief may make it easier for her to proceed with the abortion. And when she acts on that belief, she hopes it will all be over. But it isn’t. As hard as she may try, she cannot will to change nature, especially around the profound human experience of a pregnancy and motherhood. It involves more than her body. It is a very complex experience that also engages her spirit and soul, psyche and emotions.
Whenever she hears words like those of Psalm 139, for instance, she realizes that her pregnancy was about something far bigger than the problem she may have reduced it to in order to justify the abortion. Speaking to God, the psalmist writes:
Truly you formed my inmost being; You knit me in my mother womb. I give you thanks that Jam so wonderfully made; Wonderful are your works.
My soul also you knew full well; Nor was my frame unknown to you When I was made in secret, When I was fashioned in the depths of the womb. (Psalm 139:13-14)
That embryonic life a woman carries below her heart is wonderfully made and is meant to have a future. It is little wonder that a woman who chooses to terminate her pregnancy by abortion often regrets that decision, feeling depressed, guilty, lost and alone. The one person who could have protected her child didn’t. And it haunts her. She may grieve, possibly for years.
Is it possible for her to dare to dream for her child, too? We would have to answer, “Yes!” We do not control the world as God made it. It does not fit into our small, fearful, little world because it can’t. We are meant to fit into God’s world, and it is big enough to embrace us all, even those women who regret the day they made that terrible choice. I would hope that this Garden of Innocence will be a place of consolation and peace for them as well. And I hope it will be a place where they even dare to dream for their children. It is okay. They, too, rest in the hand of God.
Click to listen to "Over the Rainbow"
|
Return toTop |
|
Project Rachael... Some who grieve for their children have never allowed themselves to think such joyful thoughts. How could it be possible to experience peace again considering what they had done? How could God ever forgive them? Why, they can’t even forgive themselves! Well, it is all possible. I know because people who have been there, who could hardly face themselves in the mirror, have found peace because they found a way to engage the mercy of God in a way that changed their lives. There is a special retreat experience designed specifically for them. It is called Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. Rather than describe the retreat, let me share the testimony of some women who have made it and the difference in made in their lives. |
|
“This retreat was beyond my hopes and expectations... Nothing was forced, but there was a quiet trust that God would provide healing. ... I no longer feel bitter against anyone who failed me. I no longer have anger and resentment against myself 1 now feel that God loves me, God forgives me, and I can forgive myself But the biggest improvement I can sense is that I feel free to love my child and make her apart of my life.”
“I came with an open heart willing to accept whatever you had planned for us. I knew I would have to tell my story. It was hard. ... Most meaningful was naming my children. I have never claimed ownersh4p of them. Writing letters was claiming motherhood for my unborn children.” “I could never have found the path to healing without this retreat. Emotionally and physically, I feel my pain is erased. Now I feel like I can really be a mother again to my living child....”
“For years and weeks before my retreat I regularly made my abortion part of my confession. I could not forgive myself Finally Father told me about the retreat, suggesting that I try it. I will always remember the beautiful people I met, the “Living Scriptures” and the first time in my entire life feeling the Holy Spirit It is the only real love I have ever felt. I have returned to church and look forward to Sunday Mass.”
“This retreat is a life changing event. It’s been a year now and my life just gets better and better. ... It could mean the real meaning of your life is just around the corner.” |
|
So, if you or someone you know is still suffering from the effects of an abortion, I recommend you consider making a Rachel’s Vineyard Retreat. You have nothing to lose and there is nothing to fear. It could give you your life back. Just call Project Rachael of Western Washington at 1-800-822-HOPE.
He gave me my name... It may come as a surprise to some that one woman mentioned that the most meaningful thing to her was naming her children. Is it appropriate to name a child who was never born, who didn’t even develop beyond the embryonic stage? What of one aborted or lost through miscarriage? It was Isaiah who said, “The Lord called me from birth, from my mother womb he gave me my name.” (Isaiah 49:1) These little ones of God must have dignity just from the fact that they exist. They are real people in God’s eyes. For this reason, they are deserving of having a name. It is a wonderful way for us to acknowledge their dignity as well. If you haven’t given a name to the child you lost, I encourage you to do so.
What of older children?While this Garden of Innocence is primarily for those who have lost pre-borns, infants and little children, there is always a special pain that comes to any parent who has to bury a child, regardless of its age. There is just something not right when fathers and mothers bury their children. It shouldn’t happen. It is not in the proper order of things. But it does happen. I recently had the funeral of a priest in his 70’s whose mother, over 100 years of age, could tell you exactly what I mean. If this special garden is in any way a source of consolation and comfort to such parents, let us thank God. Regardless of age, we are all God’s children anyway, and can be represented by the child in the sculpture. Our hope is that any child we remember here, regardless of age or circumstance of death, is received by hands far gentler than our own. As Fr. Ron Rolheiser says, “They left our foster care and our powerlessness to fully embrace them to live with a parent who can fully embrace them and bring them to joy and wholeness that we could never quite give.” It is too easy for good parents to be too hard on themselves when a child dies. We need to trust that they rest in the hand of God. |
Return toTop |
______________________________________________________________________________REFLECTIONSThe following selections are from known and unknown sources, and some from my own efforts to bring consolation and peace to those suffering the loss of a child. It is my hope that the way something is said or, perhaps, the fresh perspective taken to look at life and its tragic loss will open news ways for you to deal with your loss and find consolation and peace. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
|
|
NO ONE WILL BEGRUDGE ME |
|
I talked about it sometimes with Him, all the
suffering of the world.
|
|
“Dear God, “ I have prayed, “How is it possible all the horrors of the world I have seen, all the atrocities you allow man to commit when you - God - are ever standing so near and could help us?
Could we not hear your voice say, ‘No’ with such love and power never again would we harm?”
And my Lord replied, “Who would understand it if I said that I cannot hear to confine a wing, anti not let it learn from the course it chooses.”
But what of a man walking lost in a forest weeping and calling your name for help, and unknown to him he is heading for a covered pit with sharp spears in it that will maim his flesh when he crashes through the trap? “Yes, why don ‘t I remove every object from this world that could cause someone to weep? Yes, why don ‘t I speak in a way that could save a life?
I opened up my hand and the Infinite ran to the edges of space — and all possibilities are contained therein, all possibilities, even sorrow. In the end, nothing that ever caused one pain will exist. No one will begrudge me. The Absolute Innocence of all within my creation takes a while to understand.” St. Catherine of Siena
|
A PARABLE
Once upon a time, twin boys were conceived in the same womb. Seconds, minutes, hours passed as the two dormant lives developed. The spark of life glowed until it fanned fire with the formation of their embryonic brains. With their simple brains came feeling, and with feeling, perception; a perception of surroundings, of each other, of self.
When they perceived the life of each other and their own life, they knew that life was good, and they laughed and rejoiced; the one saying, “Lucky are we to have been conceived, and to have this world, “ and the other chiming, “Blessed is the Mother who gave us this life and each other.”
Each budded and grew arms and fingers, lean legs and stubby toes. They stretched their lungs, churned and turned in their new found world. They explored their world, and in it found the life cord which gave them life from the precious Mother’s blood. So they sang, “How great is the love of the Mother that she shares all she has with us!” And they were pleased and satisfied with their lot.
Weeks passed into months, and with the advent of each new month they noticed a change in each other and each began to see changes in himself. “We are changing, “said the one. “What can it mean?”
“It means, “ replied the other, “that we are drawing near to birth.”
An unsettling chill crept over the two and they both feared, for they knew that birth meant leaving all their world behind.
Said the one, “Were it up to me, I would live here forever.”
“We must be born,” said the other. “It has happened to all others who were here.” For indeed there was evidence of life there before, as the Mother had born others.
“But mightn’t there be life after birth?
“How can there be life after birth?” cried the one. “Do we not shed our life cord and also the blood tissues? And have you ever talked to one who has been born? Has anyone ever re-entered the womb after birth? NO!” He fell into despair, and in his despair he moaned, “If the purpose of conception and all our growth is that it end in birth, then life is truly absurd.”
“But there is a Mother,” protested the other. “Who else gave us nourishment and our world?”
“We get our own nourishment, and our world is always here. And f there is a Mother, where is she? Have you ever seen her? Does she ever talk to you? NO! We invented the Mother because it satisfied a need in us. It made us feel secure and happy.”
|
| Thus, while one raved and despaired,
the other resigned himself to birth, and placed his trust in the hands
of the Mother. Hours ached into days, and days fell into weeks. And it came time. Both knew their birth was at hand and both feared what they did not know. As the one was the first to be conceived, so he was the first to be born, the other following after. They cried as they were born into the light. And coughed out fluid and gasped the dry air. And when they were sure they were born, they opened their eyes seeing for the first time, and found themselves cradled in the warm love of the Mother! They lay open-mouthed, awe-struck before that beauty and truth they could not hope to have known. Author unknown |
Return toTop |
|
|
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ Comment The message of this parable teaches us that the great Christian insight into death is birth. _________________________________________________________________________________________________
|
I LENT YOU A CHILD
I’ve lent you for a little time a simple child of mine, For you to love the while she lives, and mourn her when she dies.
It was only for a short span of time, it may have been for years, you see; but you have, for all this time, loved her so beautifully for me.
She brought her charms to gladden you, And thought her stay was brief, You’ll have her lovely memories As solace for your grief.
I could not promise she would stay, Since all on earth return; But there are lessons taught down there I wanted this child to learn.
I looked the wide-world over In search of teachers true; and from the throngs that crowd life’s loves I had selected you.
You gave her all your love, Think not you labor vain; It was a clear reflection of mine, As I embrace her back again.
You sheltered her with tenderness and love in your own special way, and for the happiness you’ve known, Forever grateful stay. And now that her life with you has ended much sooner than we planned, please brave this bitter grief and try to understand. Author unknown |
|
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ Comment: I used this at the funeral of a little 8-year-old girl killed in an auto accident. A concern was more for the parents than their daughter. It is true that God’s love is made real to a child through its parents’love. ______________________________________________________________________________________ |
A LETTER TO A BABYDear Katie,
I feel a little awkward writing to you because I am not sure what to say. It is not easy for me to talk to little babies with words; but, somehow, I believe you will be able to understand.
In fact, none of us here knows exactly what to say. Our hearts are empty. We open our mouths to speak and nothing comes out. And when it does, it fails to express what is inside of us. The tastes of sadness and loss are almost too much to bear.
If you don’t know what I am trying to say, it may be because you never had to experience such sad feelings. The closest you came was feeling hungry or wet. When you cried, it wasn’t long and someone was there to take care of you. Your feelings were more ones of feeling good, like when your mother bathed you, or your daddy held you in his strong arms. You felt the incomparable warmth and security of their love. You knew the joy of being played with by your older sisters. You were beginning to feel the excitement of discovering your world, and it was a good world.
Katie, you weren’t old enough to learn about life. You simply lived it, being totally present to the present moment. From your perspective, it wasn’t long or short. If only we could share your perspective now. We saw it as too short; way too short.
Of all the things we cling to in life, none is as precious as life itself when filled with love. Yours was. Granted, from your vantage point, you may not understand this. After all, “My life hasn‘t ended, “ you say. We believe you, but now we are the ones who do not understand.
We believe you in faith. In a short time, we would have told you about God, Our Heavenly Father, and His great love for you, and how we are all His children. We still believe this even though we do not understand the cold, stark reality that you are gone from us. But now you know Our Loving Father from experience. You know the Love we cannot know until we are with you again.
But we do know that a Loving Father would not take you away from your loving family; we know he wouldn’t will your death any more than he wills the death of anyone. He is a God of life who overcomes death. He calls us all to life. In fact, Katie, we believe that if there were some way God could cry with us now, He would. His Son, Jesus, wept when His friend died.
God didn’t take you away from us. Rather, He is simply receiving you as a most beautiful gift. As hard as it is to let you go, we must. And when we do, you will become a gift from us.
Katie, of all the things we can tell you, only one thing comes close to saying what we want to say. We love you. And since you can no longer be with us, we will always love you during this life until we are with you again.
Keep loving us. We need it very much. With all our love, |
|
_________________________________________________________________________________________________ Comment: Written for the funeral of two month old Katie Shepherd on May 2, 1991. Her parents are David and Kelli. _________________________________________________________________________________________________ |
|
SOME THINGS ABOUT LOVE...
|
Return toTop |
A MESSENGER
There is an old Christian tradition that says God sends each person into this world with a special message to deliver, with a special song to sing for others, with a special act of love to bestow. Your message to us is how sacred a human life is. Your song to us says a person’s worthiness of love comes simply from that fact that the person is. And the blessing you bestowed upon us is the realization of the importance that we love one another as never before. This is the message, the song and the blessing you have given us.
Excerpt from the Funeral Homily Jessica Naya Gallardo, Stillbirth, 1 August 2002 |
|
BRANDON MANNIKOFuneral Homily 14 June 1999
Brian, Keri, Alissa, Rachel; Brandon’s grandpa’s and grandma’s who loved him so much, and all of you who make up his extended family and you who are friends and acquaintances of Brandon; those who knew him through pre-school or the church; and those who helped him when he was so sick, and you who simply remembered him and his family in your prayers, we all gather together because it is not good for us to be alone. It is at times like this, when we are driven inward, to our own private reflections on what has happened, that we need to be with others. This is not the first time Brandon has called us together. Just a few weeks ago, we gathered around Brandon for a Batman party. We wanted to let him know we loved him and that it was good for us to laugh and have fun even though his illness was nothing to laugh about. That day reminded us all that it was a little boy who was so sick. A little boy who thought the idea of a Batman was pretty awesome. Imagine, a guy who could overcome evil, even the white-faced evil of the Joker. We all played our roles, letting the little child in each of us out for a little while at least, hoping against hope that there could be a Batman who would swoop down and lift Brandon from his hurt and pain. But it didn’t happen.
A lot of things didn’t happen. We prayed for a quick recovery when he was diagnosed with his cancer 18 months ago. “Neuro-blastoma,” they called it. It even sounds evil. We had a special Mass for Brandon, calling on God’s healing grace to free him from the cancer. But it didn’t happen. We prayed for him week after week at Mass, as people prayed in other churches, at home around the dinner table, in school classrooms and in slow moving cars on the freeway during rush hour. We all wanted Brandon to make it. We prayed so hard. But it didn’t happen.
While we were storming heaven, doctors and nurses were trying everything they knew to help Brandon. One thing after another was tried. And Brandon rallied now and again, because his will to live was so strong. After about four months of chemo, it even looked like he was cured, that he had gone into permanent remission. A party was called to celebrate the wonderful news. But cancer, as is often does in its cowardly way, just hid itself away for a while. Then it broke loose again, this time with a vengeance. And in typical little boy fashion, Brandon even enjoyed life and took his renewed treatments in stride. But as time went on, the options grew fewer and fewer. The hoped-for- cure didn’t happen. The wonders of modern medicine were left wondering, too.
We look for someone, something to blame. God maybe? How could we blame God? Every night in his prayers, Brandon would pray, “God bless Mom, Dad, Alissa, Rachel, adding his litany of loved ones ending with Dr. Thomas, Father Tom and God bless God.” Brandon knew we were praying for him, but he was also praying for us.
It is not a stretch to flash to another scene of suffering when the victim prayed for the people he loved. And we can’t put th |
